Open a Door

poem by RR resident, age 16; photo of RR residents at pro bono photo shoot at Red Rocks

*trigger warning - suicide

I am a person of survival

But growing up that was not really my title

A dead soul who was screaming for revival

A young girl who became suicidal

I felt the hits and kicks of society

Probably the reason I suffer from anxiety

I was never in the form of perfection

So I became the best example of neglection

They’d call me names from fat bitch to white trash

To other things I won’t say they’re that bad

They’d call me up and would always need back up

Call me a slut and say my family was jacked up

Death threats every time I logged in

Always on some other shit, damn here we go again

I was already alone now I’m looking for a friend

Got no friends so here I am wishing it would end

And it didn’t, it never did, was always something

Every time I felt good

They’d remind me I was nothing

Every time I was down they couldn’t help themselves to kick me

Tore me a fucking part

Took all the fight I had left in me

I had enough I was so fuckin done

I couldn’t face all the drama so I decided to run

But you can’t run forever

Eventually you’ll get tired

So I decided on the rope

Wishing my life would expire

I mean fuck it

If I am really nothing then nobody would stop me

From taking that rope and jumping

So I took it, tied it around my little throat

And proceeded to jump when my mom bust in the door

I didn’t know what to do

I didn’t know what to say

I saw the tears in her eyes

I felt the pain go away

How could I be so selfish

How could I think that I’m nothing

When the person who gave me life

Obviously thought I was something

Now I pray,

Pray for the people who never saw the light

Pray for the people who still cry at night

And those people, think of my words as protection

Think of them as the light when you fight depression

Because I know what it’s like

I’ve been there before

But for every closed room

I’m here to open a door

I just wanna open a door

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